Things I've Learned as a Homeschooler

I've been homeschooling a long time now.  My oldest is in 9th grade this year, and we started her Kindergarten year.  So this is Year 10 for me, with many years left as my current youngest is just about 3.

As I've reflected over the past many years, I realized that I have learned many things as we've gone along.  I thought I'd share some of them with you.

1. I'm not into reading aloud.
   
   I'm just not.  Nothing wrong with doing it, and I often wish I were more of a read-aloud type person, but I'm not.  I do it sometimes during our Morning Basket, and I really love doing bedtime stories (picture books) with the kids, but overall, I just don't like reading out loud.
   
   Before you worry, all 7 of my children are bookworms, so it has no effect on what or how often or how much they're reading.
   
   But not all families can be read-aloud families.  And I'm not one of them.  I still feel bad about that sometimes, but it's why I don't join Sarah Mackenzie's Read-Aloud Revival, for example.  It's just one more thing on my plate - for me to feel bad that I can't implement properly.  So I just know this about myself, and I choose not to join in the fun, because it wouldn't be fun for me.
2. I'm not a scheduler.
   
   I tried.  I tried so hard.  For years.  And I failed every time.  Or I felt so stuffed in, or we felt stressed and anxious all the time, and I had timers going off all the time (OK, so I still have the alarms going on my phone all day long because Mom Brain).  All my life I've been a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants sort of person.  Type B.  And I thought all homeschoolers had to be Type A, especially as I had more and more kids schooling.  It got to the point, though, that I was never, ever going to get everything done.  Ever.  And I almost had a nervous breakdown over it.
   
   So we scrapped everything and unschooled for months.  Well over a year, actually.  Wow.  That felt good.
   
   I'm starting to get my bearings again, and I'm learning that if I'm going to attempt a schedule again, it has to be on a loop, it has to have ultimate flexibility, and I can't feel locked into it.  It has to be as open-and-go as possible, even if I have to take the time to make it that way.  My "schedule" nowadays consists of a start time for Morning Basket (or around thereabouts), lunch at noon, getting kids to and from activities or jobs, and clean-up & chores at 5pm.  That's it.  I am so happy with a routine.  I get up somewhere between 6 & 7am, but it's not consistent, and sometimes it'll be later than 7am if the toddler lets me sleep.  :)
3. I hate math.
   
   No, actually, I always loved it all through my school years.  I took geometry (bane of my existence!!!!), trigonometry, and calculus in high school.  I took calculus again in college - twice - the 2nd time because I needed some credits and my fiance (now hubby) had to take it.  LOL  Yeah, I'm kind of a glutten for punishment like that.  But I liked math!  A lot!
   
   And then I had kids I had to teach.  And I didn't know how.  Apparently, I'm just good at memorizing formulas.  I have tried so. many. math programs.  I'd like to kick math to the curb and never see it again.  They can learn their own stinkin' math.  Grrrr....  (I do get independent-of-me programs now for them.  It just drives me nuts.  I can help them with individual things they aren't getting, but I don't want to teach it ALL to ALL of them.)
4. There is nothing worse than feeling like you're failing your kids.
   
   Like in math.  Or writing.  Or reading.  Or social studies, history, science, art, music, or whatever other stinking subject there is out there.  Literally, all eyes are on you.  And if your kids fail, or aren't as good as other children their age, or aren't meeting some arbitrary stranger's measuring stick - you have failed in the eyes of the world.  Sometimes even in the eyes of your own husband.
   
   That's a heavy weight to bear.
   
   The truth is, most of us homeschooling moms already know our limitations and failings.  We don't need to hear, "I told you so," "Why did you even try to homeschool at all," or "Why don't you just send them to school?"  We need encouragement, we need someone to come alongside us and help us, we need support.  We already know, OK?  So please don't kick us while we're down.
5. No two families are the same.
   
   They don't look the same, they don't act the same, they don't talk the same, they don't eat the same - so why would they all educate the same way?  Of course they can't!  Each family is unique.  Each child within each family is unique.  You cannot do the same things with every single child and every single family and have them all turn out exactly the same.  This is a huge reason I strongly dislike the traditional school building model (though yes, it can work for some).
   
   And to be true to that idea, I needed to learn that we can't all be Charlotte Mason homeschoolers.  Just like I can't teach in a classical way, or a Montessori way, or what-have-you, I also found out that not everyone can teach 100% the Charlotte Mason way.
   
   Like me, for example.  I find her philosophy beautiful.  Strong.  And I agree with so very much of it.  I would have loved to have gone through one of her schools!
   
   But.
   
   Her methods work better for a school setting (like my Sunday school class), not my homeschool.  Especially when 7 children are vying for your attention.  I just couldn't do it.
   
   Again, almost had a nervous breakdown trying to do it for 4.  Add in 3 more, and I thought I was going to die.  Finding other ways of doing things, and ultimately, what can I do with all the kids together is what is helping us move on and find what is unique about our family.  This is what our Morning Basket is all about.  And our Adventures we go on every Friday and sometimes in the afternoons.  Being together as a family is what makes our homeschool - and our family - unique.
6. Even though schedules don't work for me, I must have bedtimes and evening routines in place.
   
   This staying up till 10, 11, 12:00 every night?  It kills me.  I need some down time.  I'm an introvert.  I need quiet and peace.  I need to get to bed on time myself!  I need time with my husband, without kids interrupting all the time.  So bedtimes it is.  Nothing wrong with others not having bedtimes, or having much later (or earlier) bedtimes than we have - but I gotta have 'em.
7. Clutter makes me anxious.
   
   I did not know this about myself until very recently.  While I've decluttered a lot in the past, it never registered in my brain what anxiety is.  Once I learned the definition of it and what it looks like - all because I now have 3 kids with varying degrees of anxiety - I figured out that it is what is causing me to have horrid mood swings and to lose my sanity.
   
   So we are going minimalist, as much as we can.  Haha....  This goes for emails, too.  And Facebook.  No more emails!  Aaaaahhhhh!  Ok, some is fine, especially from friends and family and adoption matters.  I have all coupon/sale type emails going straight to a coupon folder.  If I am going to a store, I try to remember to look there before I head out.  Blogs I mostly follow on Facebook rather than on emails, but I usually only have a couple I keep on my newsfeed.
   
   Don't ask me about minimizing the books.  :P
8. My kids are all different.
   
   They are all unique.  Angel, for example, is a seamstress and artist and bookworm.  Give her a worksheet, and she'll cry through the whole thing, but she'll do it.  Give Piglet a worksheet, and her hand will hurt because writing causes physical pain for her.  She just won't do it.  But she can draw better than some of the best artists!  Peanut?  She is a late bloomer on reading & writing.  Worksheets had to be dictated to me for a very long time.  And she is an actress.  Trouble is gifted.  His brain works in an entirely different way than mine.  I have no clue how he comes up with the things he does.  Tumbler has learning deficits and memory issues due to life in an orphanage.  Learning is very hard for her - but she has been thriving in confirmation class and Sunday school in more of a traditional setting.  Hmmmm....  Lego Dude also has some learning delays, but he is astounding at math.  He has come so, so far in math.  And he and Trouble are the only kids who math comes easily for.  The rest of them have to work HARD at it, with many tears.
   
   Point being?  They are all different!  Use what works for each of them.  Don't standardize your
   family.  Guilty as charged... 
   
   
9. I can't do everything.
   
   I can't teach everything to everyone all of the time and be everything to everyone all of the time.  I can't do Poetry Tea Time plus read-alouds plus individual math programs one-on-one plus narrations for every single book from every single child plus foreign language plus run a co-op plus teach Sunday school plus direct the Christmas program plus keep up with the house plus make healthy meals plus read my own books plus be a wife plus, plus, plus, plus.
   
   I just can't.
   
   And no one can.  We all choose what is most important to us, and we go with it.  And that's how it should be.  Time must be divided into priorities, just like your budget.  You will spend time on the things that are most important to you.  And if you look at what you're spending time on, and it doesn't add up to what you know you want to be priorities - well, then, you change what you're spending time on.  You get your priorities straight.  And you try again.
10. God's grace is sufficient for you.
    
    Yes, it is.  He will see you through.  He will be sure your kids are ready for the "real world" upon graduation.  And He loves them even more than you do.  He died for them.  He died for you.  And because of that, He's got your back.  Go to work, Mama.  And relax.  You've got this.  It's OK to learn, it's OK to grieve and regret - but don't dwell on it.  Learn from it, and move on, and just rely on Him to help you raise your kids to be the best they can be - who they were meant to be - designed by God Himself.  That's the most important in all of this, anyway.