I've been slowly working my way through the book of Isaiah lately, and as I began chapter 55, I stopped at the second verse, unable to move on because it spoke so clearly to me.
"Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?" (NIV84) Isaiah asks.
"Good question," I replied. But I found myself pondering my current life. I have felt behind most of this past year, both with time and with money. My life is hurried and anxious. I realize my priorities need to shift, and Isaiah's question prods me to rethink how I'm spending my precious resources with which God has blessed me.
Humans have a sinful tendency to misspend time and money, but in exploring my own personal reasons for doing exactly opposite of my good intentions, I have discovered several habits that need pruning. Firstly, I am forever seeking satisfaction - perfection, really. I want things to be "right" and "just so." It seems that if I could only find the right thing, person, behavior, I can fill the hole in my heart that so desperately needs filling. Through the process of refining myself, my family, and my home, I convince myself that I will look good, or at least better, to others. Good impressions are important to me, for better or worse, and perhaps people will like me or accept me if I was more organized, less forgetful, had better behaved or academically brighter children, and the list goes on. Admittedly, sometimes I do wish my life was different. I love adventure and "new," and sometimes my life feels dull and repetitive compared to others' Facebook, Pinterest, or fictional book lives. I get stuck in my favorite pet sins: breaking good habits, overplanning, perfectionism, and forgetting my place in God's hierarchy, all stemming from being caught in Satan's lies, especially, "Did God really say," the same lie he's been telling humans since the Garden of Eden. Listening to him and his many variations on that lie creates a busy, hurried life, in turn causing anger, hurt, and frustration for everyone in my household. Misspending my time and money on account of my own sinful flesh hurts more than just myself. It hurts my family, other relationships beyond my front door, and, most importantly, it destroys my relationship with God.
Am I wasting my life away? I feel like I am missing my childrens' childhoods, time racing by. In only five years, more than half my kids will be adults. That realization hits me hard. They'll be gone before I know it, and here I am wasting precious time making sure they have a perfect homeschool experience. Except I can't make it perfect. I can only aim high, fail, get behind, aim higher, and fail again. Why am I spending my labor on what does not - cannot - satisfy? Why am I wasting my life away?
Worse yet, I am missing out on that amazing relationship I could have with my husband, the relationship God intended and purposed for us. Instead I have put the kids first and, selfishly, myself and my own goals. I am his helpmeet and no one else's. God wants me to enjoy the spousal relationship in which He has placed me. I have so often brushed it aside in favor of other, seemingly more pressing, matters. Satan's lies have won me on far too many occasions. The husband-wife relationship I crave is in grasp, if only I would look at what God has placed in front of me.
Still, too, in my busyness I have missed out on fostering relationships outside the four walls of my home, new and old. Those relationships, fostered or neglected, could have eternal consequences, positive or negative. I could be making new friends who can teach and encourage me instead of hiding behind my busy to-do list in order to mask my anxiety and fear. I could be strengthening family and extended family ties. I could be winning souls for Christ. I should be busy building friendships that honor Jesus and all He's done for me.
I must turn my attention, my focus, my eyes on what does satisfy. God's Word fills me, satisfying every desire. The love of Jesus and His forgiveness of MY sins, MY shortcomings, and MY good I've left undone washes ME clean and leaves me willing to do HIS will. As God fills the hole in my heart, it spills over into my daily interactions with people - my spouse, my children, and all those beyond my front door, neighbor, friend, family, and stranger - strengthening relationships so that they may see the love of Christ shining like a welcome beacon of light through ME. Then I use my God-given strengths and talents to do God's good work in my life, whatever He has called me to, daily submitting to Him and His will for me. All this brings about His peace, love, and joy, growing me into who He wants me to become, preparing me for tomorrow's service, cultivating in me the spiritual growth needed to bring me closer to Him in truth and love. The fruits of the Spirit are the natural culmination of God's working in and through me. Satisfaction in this world comes only when I turn my focus and life's work on Him who did it all for me.
God has bestowed on me such amazing blessings and resources. The blessings of other people in my life should prompt me to spend my precious resources of time, money, and energy on those other humans and especially on the Giver of all. I must focus on Jesus and the cross in order to keep my priorities in the correct order.
"Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?"
Good question, Lord, and thank You for asking it.
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