Family vs. Sports

I've seen a few posts lately on FB regarding the family dinner vs. sports and other activities, especially as the kids get older.  I thought I'd offer my own thoughts on the subject.  Now, I'll warn you, this is definitely not the popular opinion, and I probably will get flak for it, but hey, it's my blog and my opinion.  :)

Some parents have each of their children in multiple sports/activities throughout the week.  And then they complain that they don't have time for a family dinner anymore.  But it's "not fair to the kids" to take them out of said sports/activities, even if these activities are costing them an arm and a leg to be in dollar-wise, and a priceless amount family time-wise.

So here is my suggestion.  Cut back to 1 activity at a time per child.  See if that fixes your problem.  It may not...  But it may, depending on the activity(ies) they end up with and how many kids you have.  It's tough to choose a favorite sport/activity, but how else can one get really, really good at something if they don't concentrate on it?  If this does not solve the problem, then take them out altogether, or choose a different activity on a different day or in a different time slot.

Honestly, unless the child is planning on playing or doing that activity professionally as an adult after college (if they choose to attend), do they really need to be in it?  Of course not.  I, for one, know for a fact that neither of my 2 oldest girls will be professional gymnasts after college, nor will they be going to the Olympics.  But they love it!  If their practices or meets as they get older get in the way of family time, I'll have them choose an activity that does not hinder our time.  I am a jealous mom about family time, and I guard it viciously.  I absolutely hate it when my husband isn't home from work in time to eat with us, and it bugs me when he eats somewhere else (TV or computer).

I believe God will provide in His timing exactly what my children will need to become the adults He wants them to become.  So if Angel needs art lessons, and the one she really wants just won't work out for our schedule, then another one that in the long run will be much more important will come along.  If Bug Girl needs robot lessons, she'll get them - when it works out for us as a family.  Same with dance class for Peanut.  And whatever will come up for Trouble.

And when you really think about it, "it's not fair to the kids" is really a bad excuse.  What about all those kids around the world, 50 years ago, even today's inner-city kids?  Really?  "It's not fair?" 

Also, over-scheduling kids is agreed by the experts to NOT help kids.  It stresses them out, can knock their grades down (lack of sleep and proper nutrition), and actually can hurt their self-esteem rather than building them up like parents like to think they're doing.  Go figure - less is more.

Family time is so much more important than a short-term "fun" activity.  I urge all parents to let go of the "status quo," "but everyone's doing it," "but what will their/my friends say" mentality and focus on what is truly, really important in the long run - the relationships within your own home.

Are electronic devices taking over your life, too?

I read this post this evening and was convicted.  I have been on the computer and my phone WAY too much lately.  Really need to stop that...  Just when I get started back on my blog again...  Ironic, isn't it?

So here is my plan:

1. The phone will be turned "off" from 7am - 8pm. (I still have to have it on for emergencies, and there are appointments to make and things like that, but I will not answer the phone except for emergencies.)
2. I will keep my computer off until all 4 kids are in bed.  The last child goes at 9pm.  Wow, that will be such a huge change, especially since I head to bed no later than 10pm.  I will really have to keep my priorities straight so I can get whatever work done that needs to be done on the computer before my time is up.  No staying up late!  I'll have to start doing more work on paper - the old-fashioned way!
3. I will include myself in my kids' activities throughout the day, or at least be there with them watching them, even if I'm just reading outside while they play next to me or in the yard.
4. I will never be too busy to help them, listen to them, guide them, explore with them, hold them, love them.  I will not get so involved in my own activities and work that I forget to be a mother first and foremost.
5. I will include them in my life, as well, so that we can get our work done together so that we can go play together.

Of course, I'm not perfect, so I know this will not happen all the time.  But from now on, I am going to try really hard to follow these.  In fact, I'll print them out and tape them to the top of my computer, the wall by my bed, and anywhere else I end up on my phone when I shouldn't be (like the kitchen while I'm cooking - don't ask how many times I've burned things because I forgot I had something in the oven while I was playing on my phone - it's as bad as leaving the kitchen!).

I challenge you to put down the phone and turn off the computer and engage with your children.  We only have them with us for a little while, and the time goes so fast.  Soon they will be gone from our next, and we will miss them.  Will we regret the time we had with them, or will we look back with fondness?  How about our children?  What will they remember about us during their childhood?

Doing Science Charlotte's Way

Got back from the Living Education Retreat in Windom, MN this past weekend just full of new ideas and so much inspiration!  I anticipate the best school year yet happening...  :)

So this weekend focused on Science.  Ah, the dreaded subject of dry textbooks and even drier experiments....  Or is it?  Does it really have to be dry and boring?  Does it have to be dull?  Do the experiments have to be pre-canned and only work like "magic" with no relevance to real life?

According to Charlotte Mason, the answer is a resounding NO!  Studying nature in detail, drawing or painting it, narrating it, reading real living books on a variety of subjects - these will all inspire students to create their own experiments and their own "Aha!" moments.

So what does one use in the study of science in a Charlotte Mason education?  Nature!  Get out there, even in your own yard, and ID things you've never seen before.  Draw them in your nature notebook in as much detail as you can, then write about it.  Collect things that interest you - rocks, feathers, seashells, insects, you name it!  In your Book of Firsts, record the day you see the first spring robin and flower, the day you see the first snowflake, the weather that day, precipitation, moon phases.  Compare them from year to year.  As you read, write down info on scientists and discoveries in your Book of Centuries.  Pay attention to current events related to science, such as space exploration or new species being discovered.  Read, read, read lots and lots of living books.  These stories are intriguing, in story form, and if they have illustrations, they are works of art and beautiful.  These books lead students to conduct their very own experiments ("hmm, how can a wire under water transmit sound???  Does that really work?  Let's try it!").  Students record their observations in their lab books, a journal of their scientific discoveries.  The teacher spreads the feast of books and opportunities - the student makes all the connections on his or her own.

I see this happening every single day with my children.  They read constantly, and they're constantly acting things out that they've read about or trying something they read in a book.  It's not just play-acting history or literature, but they are experimenting with the world around them.  They are studying God's majestic creation as they look at flowers or bugs or even just dig in the dirt.  They are keeping that sense of wonder about creation that most of us have lost with a traditional approach to science education.  I am so thankful for the opportunity to attend the Retreat and learn more about Charlotte's incredible philosophy of education.  And I know I will learn even more next year!

If at first you don't succeed....

Let's try this again, shall we?  Maybe I'll actually keep up with it this time.  :)

So Matt's away on a business trip this week.  I am sad.  Lonely.  A little frustrated.  In need of a break.  And some grown-up talk.  But tomorrow is Wednesday already, and he comes home on Friday.  I'm trying to keep busy, on purpose, but it is actually very difficult.  I didn't know it would be so tough to actually DO the things I was going to do to stay busy.  I have a new-found respect and awe for moms who do this 24/7 as single moms or military wives, and for those who do it often due to their husband's business trips.  I have also discovered (though I think I knew this already) that I cannot survive without my hubby.  I went to hang up our new dry-erase board and found I needed to drill the holes for the screws.  Don't know how to work the drill...  Don't know how to mow the lawn, but luckily Matt had already arranged that to be done by the neighbor kid.  Even just having to bring the trash can up from the end of the driveway and change the cat litter - things he usually does - I just know I never want to be alone.  After 10 years of marriage, we really, truly ARE One.  And doing things apart is just, well, silly.  I need someone to bounce ideas off of, to have deep conversations with, and to tell secrets to.  I need my hubby.    Come quickly, Friday, please come quickly!

Big Mistakes, Bigger God

I woke up this morning from a dream that kept me in the pit of despair for quite some time this morning. It reminded me of a really big mistake from my past, and I wallowed in it for much longer than I should have. It's not something I can easily correct, nor even really want to, because attempting to fix it would mean making an even bigger mistake - one that I'm not willing to live with. I know others have been where I am - friends have assured me of that on Facebook, forums, and through private messages. What they also reminded me of, is that God is bigger than that big mistake. Much bigger. And He can take my big mistake and make it into something beautiful, if I'll only let Him. I'm trying, I really am. It's been several years since I made this mistake, and while it has gotten easier over time, I have days like today where I just wish things were different. I wish I could have said and done things differently, but would they have made things better? Probably not. Most likely my problems would have been 10 times worse (no exaggerating, I promise).

My friend Dana showed me a music video by Toby Mac, "Get Back Up," and it was most timely. It did bring me back up and gave me hope that I can get through this once again. Again, I thank her for sharing that video. I hope it gives you hope, as well.

"I waited patiently for the LORD;
He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD." ~Psalm 40:1-3

Lord, You know which mistake I speak of. And yet You keep no record of wrongs. Help me to look to You through this time of trial and temptation, and keep me strong. For You are stronger and bigger than all my mistakes. You are my God, and I will exalt You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Reflections on God's Love in a Marriage

‎"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

I am reflecting on this today, and through the 12 years I have known and loved Matt, we both have gotten better and better at showing God's kind of love. But we have a long way to go. It is a long, hard journey, marriage is. But even though it's a lot of work, and you constantly have to keep on it or it will melt away, it is SO worth it. The love Matt and I have is so incredible, I stand in awe of it whenever I reflect on it. God has held our hands through so much, and I don't know where we'd be if we hadn't held onto God for dear life. It's been quite the ride, and I know the ride isn't over yet. We were joined together by God, and let no one break us apart. We have had those tough times where we didn't know if we'd make it, but we focused on God, and He brought us through, safe and sound, and loving each other even more. When you first get married, you think you could never possibly love that person more than you do at that time. But it's not true. Your love matures and grows. The day you marry, your love is just a baby. As you grow together through the years, your love grows up and becomes an adult, just like your faith grows and matures. Satan will try his darndest to break you up, and he will if you let him. Never take your eyes off Jesus. He will be the third strand to keep you tied together through anything. I encourage all married couples to reflect on this passage daily and to tell each other every day how much you truly love and appreciate the other. Your soulmate completes you, and every marriage is a match made in heaven, even though sometimes you can't see that and think it was a mistake. Don't throw it away just because you're going through a rough time. Once you persevere through that tough time and tell Satan to get behind you and run to Jesus' open arms, your love will have grown so much that you will be overwhelmed with love for your spouse. Protect yourself from that evil, whether it be other people, things that get a more important status than your spouse, or whatever else it may be. Those evils that Satan puts in front of your nose and dangles at you mean certain death, to your soul and to your marriage and love.

Dear Jesus, please protect all married couples today and always. Show them that when You come first, their marriage will be stronger and more complete. Help them to love each other more and to emulate Your love, as You show us in this passage. Guide them to Your loving arms, and help them to reach out to You in hard times and in times of temptation. In loving gratitude to You for Your ultimate sacrifice for us, Amen.

Abandoning my rescue plan

OK, Matt just sent me this great article: Why You Need To Abandon Your Rescue Fantasy (Yes, You Do Have One) (Warning: a couple naughty words, but easily skipped over.)

So I read through it, and I think it kind of slapped me in the face. I know what my "rescue fantasy" is - moving to a new house! "If I just had a bigger house, I'd be satisfied. One with a big enough yard, enough bedrooms for all of us, more than 1 bathroom, a dishwasher, and room to homeschool. Then it would all be better, and I could live comfortably in it the rest of my life." Could I??? For a while, maybe. But I'm sure I'd find something to complain about shortly after moving in.

So as I'm reading this, I'm starting to think, he's right. I need to stop thinking the house is what will make me happy. I am the only one who can make me happy. "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" - Hebrews 13:5. This isn't the first time I have heard the "be content with what you have" line in the last few weeks. Hm, is God trying to tell me something?

OK, so how can I learn to be content where I am? First, I'm going to pray for contentment. Next, I'm going to start counting my blessings. Yup, that's right. I'm actually going to write them down and keep them where I can see them. Then when I start to complain, I can read through them and realize that I am truly blessed. "But godliness with contentment is great gain." - 1 Timothy 6:6

Then, after I've been doing that for a bit, I'm going to make a list of things I can do to make our dreams happen. Sure, God could just throw it in our lap and call it a day. But I think He makes us work for our dreams to teach us life lessons. And sometimes no matter what we do, we won't make it to a dream. God must have better plans for us. And someday we do end up seeing why we couldn't have what we wanted, or why He gave us something different, or whatever. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28. So if we are meant to stay in this house, then OK. If we are meant to move, it will be in His time. We wanted to move before Baby came, but here we are, still here, and Baby Aaron is here, too. God has perfect timing. We don't always know what it is, but we have faith that He knows more than we do and that He will never harm us.

So there is my plan. Pray, count my blessings, and then make a game plan for achieving our dreams and goals. We do still wish God would give us a sign so we know which direction to move, but if He doesn't do that now, He will do it when the time is right. It's tough to wait it out, when all you want is the answer right now, but patience is a virtue, as I've often been told, and I guess learning a little more patience is a good thing.